Dear Melissa,

 

This is a familiar scenario for me. When my kids were seniors, I found it challenging to walk that fine line between guiding and goading, coaxing and co-authoring. And so do most parents I know. What makes supporting our kids through this process particularly tricky is that teens are not only willful and moody, but they’re also plagued by self-doubt just when they need to put their best foot forward.

 

I recently interviewed Elizabeth Wissner Gross, the author of Write Your College Essay in Less than a Day, and she had some excellent advice about how parents can help their kids with the essay portion of their applications. She says that the essay is critical because it’s how your daughter gets to distinguish herself from the pool of kids with the same GPA and SAT scores. Among her suggestions:

 

Wait to be asked for help. But in the meantime, talk with your daughter about her strengths, achievements – the high points in her life. Teens tend to think they have “nothing to write about” and that  they have a “really boring life.” Parents, on the other hand, love to boast about their children’s accomplishments. Now’s the time to share those stories.

 

Too much honesty isn’t the best policy. The essay is not a place to tell a story of risky behavior (even if the outcome was positive). Colleges want interesting kids, but if your teen loves to bungee jump off buildings, she should maybe keep that hobby to herself.

 

The most important piece of advice I can give you is to stay positive. This is an undoubtedly stressful time for your daughter, and she’ll be grateful (even if she doesn’t show it) for your optimism.

 

For more useful tips, check out the interview below.