Your kids are back in the classroom, and you’ve survived the first-day-of-school jitters. But children of all ages face other anxieties even when the school year is underway. A big source of stress for preschoolers is whether mom will be there to pick them up. So if a babysitter or another relative will be meeting your child after school, make sure they know. Most important, be on time. There’s nothing more anxiety provoking than being the last child waiting in the classroom for Mom, Dad, or another caregiver to arrive at the end of the day.

If you have an elementary school kid, you may hear, ” My teacher is really mean!” or “My teacher hates me!” Before you rush to counter those complaints, ask some questions: What makes a teacher nice? Can they remember a “mean” teacher who actually taught them a lot? And what could they do to get to know the teacher a little better — asking for extra help is often a great way to connect with a teacher. Kids this age may also feel insecure if they haven’t yet found a “best friend” in their new class. Remind your child that they can still see their other friends outside of school. And to help them make new friends in class, see if you can arrange a couple of outings or dates with classmates your child knows even slightly.

By middle school, the focus of anxiety may be the class bully or “it” crowd. If your child is being teased, work with the school to solve this problem as soon as possible. Bullying can derail even the most confident kid. My friend and colleague, William Pollack, Ph.D., has worked extensively on helping victims of bullying; his book, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, is also an excellent resource.

When it comes to homework complaints, the best person to turn to is your child’s teacher. Find out what’s expected and/or send a brief email explaining the difficulty your child may be having. As tempting as it may be, don’t do your kids’ work for them. The teacher will know (especially after she administers an in-class test or two) and you’ll be setting up a very bad precedent. If necessary, see if the school can provide some extra tutoring or other resources if your child seems to be struggling.

And until everyone is into the back-to-school groove, limit afterschool activities and keep the routines at home as predictable and comforting as possible. The entire family can benefit from down time — including shutting off the phones, the TV, and the computers while you play a game or just talk.

As the grim news from Haiti streamed across our TV screens this week, I was reminded of the weeks post 9/11 when I tried – often unsuccessfully – to balance my own feelings of despair and fear with my children’s need for comfort and reassurance. Maddie — just shy of her 14^th birthday and Nick 9 – were already in school that terrifying morning, so they were not in the living room when I watched the towers crumple and heard gut-wrenching sobs I realized were my own. After walking to their school through an eerily silent city and ushering them home, I tried to contain my anguish, as we telephoned relatives and friends who worked downtown.  Although the news that day hit much closer to home (we lived a mere 7 miles from the World Trade Center towers) than the tragedy in Haiti, my struggle to protect my kids from the news, while also enabling them – particularly Maddie – to help the victims and to learn what was going on is probably echoing across the country, just as it did when Katrina struck or when the tsunami of 2004 claimed thousands of victims.

• Determine how susceptible your child is to emotional distress. If your family has experienced a natural disaster before or known someone who has, your child may be more vulnerable to feeling anxious or upset. Also, if they are temperamentally more sensitive or if they are dealing with other stressors (family financial problems, divorce, a tough semester at school), monitor their behavior carefully.
• Don’t ignore or belittle your child’s reaction. According to a 2001 study, parents tend to underestimate their child’s fear in general. No matter what their age, don’t assume your children are immune to the Haiti coverage. And if they do express concern or sadness, never belittle their feelings.  This is particularly important for boys, who are often given the insidious message that “big boys don’t cry.”
• Set the emotional tone. If you remain calm as these events unfold, your children will be calmer. Nurture yourself, especially if you are very upset about the news. Get away from the TV or tell friends and coworkers that you need a break from discussions of the disaster.  Find ways to connect with your kids; doing something silly just to lift everyone’s mood is important during stressful times.
• Volunteer as a family.  If you have older children, find ways to help, either through your place of worship, local Red Cross, or even online. Connect with neighbors to see if your community can raise funds or collect clothes to send to Haiti.

For more tips, check out Talking to your kids about Haiti, an age-by-age guide or Zero to Three's website for information about children and trauma.

Dear Annie,

My almost 6-year-old kindergartener daughter complains that I "always want her to be the best in the class." She doesn't like it if I correct any of her homework, which I am required to review and sign. She also doesn't like it if ask her if she understands something she is singing. (I ask her that because she goes to an immersion school and learns in another language.) Is it me? Is it her? What can I do to change myself and/or how I interact with her?

~Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Thanks for this wonderful question. I hear from so many parents who struggle with wanting to help their kids but worry about pressuring them too much. You're wise to realize that the "dance" you get into with your daughter around schoolwork is making her uncomfortable.