Ann Pleshette Murphy » Play

Annie’s Tray Play: Baker’s clay

admin — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 17:39:05 +0000

Annie makes a basic baker’s clay that kids can roll, pound, smack and squish for at-home fun.

My son can’t make friends

admin — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:56:15 +0000

Dear Annie:

My 7-year-old has trouble making friends. He tries to make friends, but other kids pay him no attention. And in all seriousness he is a nice child. He never argues with other kids, he’s not bossy, etc. I don’t understand, and it crushes me to know he plays alone every day. How can I help him? ~Kari

Kari,

I understand your heartbreak — some of my most painful moments as a mother have been experiencing vicariously my children’s sadness. But reading your question, I wondered whether your son is feeling the pain as much as you are. Has he said he wishes he had more friends? Or complained, “Nobody likes me”? In other words, some kids are temperamentally suited to enjoy being alone or to prefer the company of a single friend, rather than a bunch of pals. If you had lots of friends when you were his age, it may hard to realize that he’s got a different style of interacting.

In any case, you should definitely share your concern with your son’s teacher. He or she is not only a reliable observer of his social skills when he’s in the classroom, but could be an important ally in helping him make friends. For example, some kids are good at insinuating themselves into a group of peers; others need help learning social skills like making “small talk” or finding common interests or coming up with some icebreakers, all of which can be practiced at home. Having a few “scripts” at the ready (“I have an Iron Man shirt, too,” or “Who’s your favorite baseball player?”) might help him over this hump. Is your son involved in any after-school activities? Joining a peewee soccer league or music class could also expand his opportunities to make new friends.

Another way you can help is by setting up a one-on-one play date with a child from his class. Sometimes all it takes is one friend (especially a popular one) to get others to join the club. Finally, when you do sit down with your son’s teacher, ask if he’s being teased or ostracized in any other way. If so, that is something you and the school must address.

*This question originally appeared on Babycenter's Momformation blog.

Pink brain, blue brain

admin — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:22:13 +0000

How gender stereotypes hurt our kids — and how to avoid it.

I remember watching my daughter Maddie when she was little, as she would rock her baby dolls. Comments like, ‘You’re going to be such a good mommy when you grow up, honey’ would easily roll off my tongue. But with my son Nick, whenever he acted tenderly toward a doll or stuffed animal, I had to remind myself to tell him, ‘You’re going to be such a good daddy.’ After reading Lise Eliot’s Pink Brain, Blue Brain, I’m especially glad I made the effort.

In her fascinating exploration of the ways we raise boys/girls and the impact that has on their development, Eliot, a neuroscientist, says there are actually very few differences at birth between the brains of boys and girls. Cultural influences — including parents — play a much bigger role in reinforcing gender stereotypes. For example, it’s easy to nurture your daughter’s growing, emotive vocabulary while encouraging your son to build Lego empires, but you aren’t doing either of them any favors when you ignore or discourage aspects of their development that seem counterintuitive to their gender. By doing so we help perpetuate the often-misguided boy vs. girl myths. Here are a few common ones and how to avoid them:

The Myth: Girls are more emotional than boys.

The Fix: There’s no biological reason that boys lack empathy, have trouble connecting, or express their emotions less often than girls, argues Eliot. Try to avoid telling little boys to “be strong” or “don’t cry”; rather give them the emotional freedom you would extend to a girl. Also, don’t underestimate the value of having your son help care for a pet. Feeding fish, putting down water for the dog, or even watering a plant of his own — and receiving praise for caring — can boost his sense of empathy in a big way. And when he gets into his teen years, encourage him to babysit or to help an elderly neighbor with chores.

The Myth: Boys best girls in math.

The Fix: During the early years, boys’ brains often get more exercise in areas that later help them in math — all that Lego-building, video game playing, and sports participation gives them practice in spatial relations. At birth, girls’ brains are just as fertile for building the connections related to math, but they need the practice. Involve them in sports, especially activities that involve hitting a target. Encourage them to build with blocks when they’re younger and to read maps in the car when they’re older (just not while they’re the driver!).

To hear more tips on raising children without gender bias, listen to my interview with Lise Eliot:

Homemade spin art

admin — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:24:32 +0000

Your salad spinner might just become your child’s favorite art supply. Watch how to turn your spinner, some tempera paint, and a few sheets of paper into a fantastically fun lesson in mixing colors.

Egg in a bottle

admin — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:22:42 +0000

Here’s a neat trick to do with your kids in the kitchen — and teach them science at the same time. All you’ll need is a hard-boiled egg, an empty glass bottle, and a little vegetable oil. Watch the video below to see how to make your kids shriek with delight!

Add a little magic to the witching hour

admin — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:06:12 +0000

How to use play to win bedtime battles, get kids to do chores, and more

I’ve met hundreds of mothers with kids of varying ages who suffer from the perfect mom fantasy, but it seems to cling with punishing tenacity during our children’s school years. Their lives are suddenly a lot busier, homework and after-school activities much more demanding, and when they feel the pressure, we do, too. Given the current state of the economy, many parents are working extra hours or trying to find ways to cut back on treats - like dinners out - so the dreaded "witching hour," between work/school and dinner/bedtime can be particularly rough.

Unfortunately, what often happens when we feel pressured or out of control is that we push the fun stuff aside and, instead, try to muscle through chores or meal prep or homework time - usually with grim determination. When your five-year-old whines for attention the minute you get home from work, you tell her to wait until after dinner and then you’ll play. But after dinner, your 10-year-old needs help with his homework or it’s time for baths and then bedtime, so when your five-year-old complains again and refuses to get into her pajamas, you lose it. If this is not a familiar scenario, you can click to another part of this website. But if it sounds like a variation on your family’s theme, you may want to rethink your approach.

One of the simplest and most effective ways to make evenings go more smoothly is to play first, not last. As tough as it may be to ignore the laundry or the fact that you need to make dinner and then pay bills and then… — JUST STOP! Then set aside 20 minutes before dinner to play a board game or read a book or simply snuggle on the couch with your kids. If they’re starving, add a snack to the party, but make this downtime a regular part of your routine. Also, don’t forget that an adult’s chore (setting the table, sorting the laundry, using the Dustbuster to vacuum under the couch) is a child’s challenge - an opportunity to show off his grown-up skills, and every kid loves to be told "I bet you can’t sort that silverware before the timer goes off" or "I bet I can change into my PJs before you can!" Play does more than grease the wheels, it provides opportunities to connect, to build skills, and - most important - to share a laugh, which is the absolute best medicine when we’re feeling burnt out.