Haiti, 9/11, Katrina: Helping kids cope with bad news

admin — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 21:33:41 +0000

As the grim news from Haiti streamed across our TV screens this week, I was reminded of the weeks post 9/11 when I tried – often unsuccessfully – to balance my own feelings of despair and fear with my children’s need for comfort and reassurance. Maddie — just shy of her 14^th birthday and Nick 9 – were already in school that terrifying morning, so they were not in the living room when I watched the towers crumple and heard gut-wrenching sobs I realized were my own. After walking to their school through an eerily silent city and ushering them home, I tried to contain my anguish, as we telephoned relatives and friends who worked downtown. Although the news that day hit much closer to home (we lived a mere 7 miles from the World Trade Center towers) than the tragedy in Haiti, my struggle to protect my kids from the news, while also enabling them – particularly Maddie – to help the victims and to learn what was going on is probably echoing across the country, just as it did when Katrina struck or when the tsunami of 2004 claimed thousands of victims.

Here’s what I have learned about protecting children from disturbing television news.

Determine how susceptible your child is to emotional distress. If your family has experienced a natural disaster before or known someone who has, your child may be more vulnerable to feeling anxious or upset. Also, if they are temperamentally more sensitive or if they are dealing with other stressors (family financial problems, divorce, a tough semester at school), monitor their behavior carefully.
Don’t ignore or belittle your child’s reaction. According to a 2001 study, parents tend to underestimate their child’s fear in general. No matter what their age, don’t assume your children are immune to the Haiti coverage. And if they do express concern or sadness, never belittle their feelings. This is particularly important for boys, who are often given the insidious message that “big boys don’t cry.”
Set the emotional tone. If you remain calm as these events unfold, your children will be calmer. Nurture yourself, especially if you are very upset about the news. Get away from the TV or tell friends and coworkers that you need a break from discussions of the disaster. Find ways to connect with your kids; doing something silly just to lift everyone’s mood is important during stressful times.
Volunteer as a family. If you have older children, find ways to help, either through your place of worship, local Red Cross, or even online. Connect with neighbors to see if your community can raise funds or collect clothes to send to Haiti.

For more tips, check out Talking to your kids about Haiti, an age-by-age guide or Zero to Three's website for information about children and trauma.

Talking to your child about Haiti, an age-by-age guide

admin — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 21:10:35 +0000

We’ve all been glued to the TV sets, watching as Haiti copes with the tragic aftermath of a devastating earthquake. As a result, you might be struggling with how to talk to your children about the disaster and how to protect them from news-overload.

Babies, toddlers and preschoolers:

In terms of exposure, less is more. Even young children can pick up on the emotional content of the nightly news. Studies have shown that infants whose mothers watched afternoon soaps exhibited signs of distress when characters on TV cried or fought, so imagine how the images of the Haitian people’s distress — particularly children crying — affect your little one.
Remind friends and caregivers to zip it. If you child is in daycare, talk to the caregivers about your concerns. Also, realize that your children may need a little more attention, comfort and reassurance if they become upset over the news.
Maintain daily routines. Nothing makes young children feel safe more than maintaining normal daily patterns. If they appear more clingy or anxious or if they are having trouble sleeping, provide some addition cuddling, a night light, or read books about overcoming fears.
Help kids express their feelings. Young children with limited language may need your help naming their emotions. Don’t discourage “scary” games, which can help kids work through emotions. Drawing and pretend play can also help them express their feelings. For example, encouraging your child to comfort a Teddy bear can be very reassuring.

School-age children:

Share your feelings. Start the dialogue yourself with comments like “I find the news stories about this earthquake really upset me.” Then see how they respond.
Find out what they know. At this age, children know the difference between fantasy and reality, which, research shows, can actually make stories like the Haiti earthquake scarier, especially for boys. Asking a specific question, like “Have your friends and teachers been talking about this?” can help you figure out where they are coming from.
Show them that people aren’t powerless. Talk about how much help and assistance is being given in Haiti and how much more is on its way. Point out the good and hopeful stories of recovery as they arise.

Teens:

Watch the news with your teen. And use it as a springboard for discussion. Answer any questions they ask about what happened as open and honestly as possible.
Suggest they keep a journal or work on a piece of art. This can be a great way for teens to express their anxiety.
Allow teens to get involved in their own way. Some kids may want to run straight to the local Red Cross with a box of donations, some may want to attend public memorial services or activities. If they do, that should be encouraged. On the other hand, if your teen would rather cope privately, don’t force it.
Realize that their reaction might not be what you expect. Teens want to feel safe, but they also want to be cool, so they may hide or minimize their feelings. They might clam up or act out to avoid showing signs of weakness or distress. Boys especially may act inappropriately by telling jokes or seeming not to care.

For more information, check out Haiti, 9/11, Katrina: Helping kids cope with bad news or Zero to Three's website for resources about children and trauma.

Ann Pleshette Murphy » media

Haiti, 9/11, Katrina: Helping kids cope with bad news

Talking to your child about Haiti, an age-by-age guide