Ann Pleshette Murphy » homework

When homework stumps your child…and you

admin — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 15:00:12 +0000

I’ve done a lot of things right as a mom, but when it came to homework hassles, I deserved an “F.” My eldest would ask for my help, then complain that I was doing too much. My son Nick would ask me to explain a math problem and would break into a cold sweat and tell him “I stink at math” (really good modeling!). So when it came time to help him with college prep, I was thrilled to schedule a few one-on-one tutorials with Matt Butler, founder of the Butler Method. I didn’t need to review calculus, but I certainly did need to learn to butt out.

Matt and I recently regrouped to talk about ways parents can bridge the homework divide and walk that fine line between coaching and co-opting. Watch the video below for Matt’s tips – just in time for the start of second semester classes.

Help! My daughter and I need a new homework routine.

admin — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:28:58 +0000

Dear Annie,

My almost 6-year-old kindergartener daughter complains that I "always want her to be the best in the class." She doesn't like it if I correct any of her homework, which I am required to review and sign. She also doesn't like it if ask her if she understands something she is singing. (I ask her that because she goes to an immersion school and learns in another language.) Is it me? Is it her? What can I do to change myself and/or how I interact with her?

~Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Thanks for this wonderful question. I hear from so many parents who struggle with wanting to help their kids but worry about pressuring them too much. You're wise to realize that the "dance" you get into with your daughter around schoolwork is making her uncomfortable.

My advice would be to back off for awhile. Change up your routine a little. When she gets home from school, if you usually tell her to do her homework, suggest you play a game together first. Then if and when she wants to do her homework, leave her alone and only "review" and sign. Don't correct her mistakes or question her work.

Similarly, I wouldn't worry about whether or not she understands the second language she's learning in school. Six year olds are amazingly adept at picking up another language, and if she is having problems, her teacher should be able to discuss that with you at your next parent-teacher conference. In fact, that's a great place to air some of the concerns you have.

Finally, if she complains that you want her to be the best, make sure she knows that you want her to love school, because she's such a great learner. Don't talk about the importance of doing well in school or being the smartest, because children her age can be very tough on themselves and perfectionistic. Similarly, if she does well in school, compliment her hard work, not the grade or award she received.

Annie

For more tips on helping your child with his or her homework, check out Annie's 5 golden rules of homework help.

Handling homework hassles

admin — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 21:37:28 +0000

Dear Annie,

My five-year-old son has just started kindergarten, and his teacher tells us he has trouble completing all of his work. She said that she knows he is very smart and knows how to do the project but it takes him longer than the other kids to finish assignments. We notice this at home also when he is doing homework. He knows the answer but acts like he doesn’t know or just stares at the paper. What can we do to help him besides encouraging him and could this be something wrong with his thought process?

Page

Dear Page,

The fact that your 5-year-old has “homework” in kindergarten surprises and somewhat disturbs me, so I would start by talking to the teacher about the goals of these assignments. Sometimes teachers give homework because the children enjoy doing projects at home, but I do not think your son should be pressured at this young age to complete his homework. “Encouragement” can sometimes feel like criticism, so I would back off. Instead, see what happens if you announce after dinner that you’re going to do your homework; you can pay bills or read a book or do some kind of quiet paperwork. He will probably volunteer that he wants to do his homework, too. You can also play school; let him be the teacher and give you some homework to do. Then you can reverse roles.

In the meantime, I would keep in touch with the teacher to learn as much as possible about what she is observing in the classroom. I would also talk to her and to the school administrators about why homework is being assigned at this young age. In my opinion, kindergarten should be about digging in the sandbox, doodling with crayons, dancing, playing with blocks, and learning to get along with peers. What you want your son to feel is that school is fun – not a source of anxiety or pressure. That said, if the teacher has observed specific tasks that your son finds challenging and if you believe he may have a learning problem, then by all means consult a specialist.

For more on homework help, click here.

This post originally appeared on

The 5 golden rules of homework help

admin — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:14:54 +0000

How to support your child and avoid homework hassles.

1. Provide a good work space: Many of us grew up believing that the best place to do homework was alone in a quiet room at a tidy desk, sharpened pencils in hand. But lots of kids do better sprawled on their bedroom floor or sitting at the kitchen table. Let your child pick the spot; just make sure there’s a relatively clutter-free surface on which to write, good light, and no TV or blaring music.

2. Stick to a routine. There’s often a lot competing for our kids’ after-school hours: play dates, TV, computer time, lessons, chores. But children — especially the elementary school set – need the structure of routines, including a regularly scheduled homework time. Even if your child claims to have no homework, turn off the TV, ignore the phone, and use that quiet time to read a book or to review class notes. If you can also use that time to pay bills or read the paper, all the better.

3. Refer problems to your child’s teacher. The point of homework is for kids to interpret or practice what they’ve learned in school, and teachers need to evaluate that by seeing what a child is capable of on his or her own. By all means stay in touch with your child’s teacher, but try to keep the homework contract between the two of them.

4. Keep kids company while they do their homework but don’t do it for them. Have them work at the kitchen counter while you prepare dinner, or lie in bed together and read chapters of your own books.

5. If a fight is brewing, step out of the ring. Homework struggles can escalate fast and usually aren’t pretty. They are often an effective way for a child to procrastinate or to connect with you – even if that connection is decidedly unpleasant. If you tend to be the parent who locks horns over homework, ask your spouse or another adult to take over homework supervision. I know neighbors who switch kids for an hour of homework every afternoon.