I remember watching my daughter Maddie when she was little, as she would rock her baby dolls. Comments like, ‘You’re going to be such a good mommy when you grow up, honey’ would easily roll off my tongue. But with my son Nick, whenever he acted tenderly toward a doll or stuffed animal, I had to remind myself to tell him, ‘You’re going to be such a good daddy.’ After reading Lise Eliot’s Pink Brain, Blue Brain, I’m especially glad I made the effort.

In her fascinating exploration of the ways we raise boys/girls and the impact that has on their development, Eliot, a neuroscientist, says there are actually very few differences at birth between the brains of boys and girls. Cultural influences­ — including parents — play a much bigger role in reinforcing gender stereotypes. For example, it’s easy to nurture your daughter’s growing, emotive vocabulary while encouraging your son to build Lego empires, but you aren’t doing either of them any favors when you ignore or discourage aspects of their development that seem counterintuitive to their gender. By doing so we help perpetuate the often-misguided boy vs. girl myths. Here are a few common ones and how to avoid them:

 

The Myth: Girls are more emotional than boys.

 

The Fix: There’s no biological reason that boys lack empathy, have trouble connecting, or express their emotions less often than girls, argues Eliot. Try to avoid telling little boys to “be strong” or “don’t cry”; rather give them the emotional freedom you would extend to a girl. Also, don’t underestimate the value of having your son help care for a pet. Feeding fish, putting down water for the dog, or even watering a plant of his own — and receiving praise for caring — can boost his sense of empathy in a big way.  And when he gets into his teen years, encourage him to babysit or to help an elderly neighbor with chores.

 

The Myth: Boys best girls in math.

 

The Fix: During the early years, boys’ brains often get more exercise in areas that later help them in math — all that Lego-building, video game playing, and sports participation gives them practice in spatial relations. At birth, girls’ brains are just as fertile for building the connections related to math, but they need the practice. Involve them in sports, especially activities that involve hitting a target. Encourage them to build with blocks when they’re younger and to read maps in the car when they’re older (just not while they’re the driver!).