Ann Pleshette Murphy » Brain Development

What’s going on in your child’s brain

admin — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 17:31:49 +0000

What parents believe their young child can feel and do differs dramatically from reality, according to a recent survey released by the non-profit group Zero to Three. I recently talked about the survey with Ross Thompson, Ph.D.—a psychologist and fellow board member of Zero to Three. (I serve as Vice President of the board.)

“When it comes to understanding a young child’s emotional life,” Thompson says, “many parents underestimated the vitality of a baby’s emotional experience.” For example, only 30 percent of parents thought a baby can experience strong emotions, but research shows that by the age of 6 months, and even earlier, babies are capable of experiencing and expressing a host of emotions, including anger, sadness, surprise and joy.

On the flip side, “parents really thought there was more that kids were capable of in the early years than we know to be true,” says Thompson. Over 40 percent of parents thought a child aged 3 could control their emotions and manage tantrums. Research shows that this is an unrealistic expectation.

Watch the video of my interview with Ross Thompson below. And for more information, visit Zero to Three’s website.

Pink brain, blue brain

admin — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:22:13 +0000

How gender stereotypes hurt our kids — and how to avoid it.

I remember watching my daughter Maddie when she was little, as she would rock her baby dolls. Comments like, ‘You’re going to be such a good mommy when you grow up, honey’ would easily roll off my tongue. But with my son Nick, whenever he acted tenderly toward a doll or stuffed animal, I had to remind myself to tell him, ‘You’re going to be such a good daddy.’ After reading Lise Eliot’s Pink Brain, Blue Brain, I’m especially glad I made the effort.

In her fascinating exploration of the ways we raise boys/girls and the impact that has on their development, Eliot, a neuroscientist, says there are actually very few differences at birth between the brains of boys and girls. Cultural influences — including parents — play a much bigger role in reinforcing gender stereotypes. For example, it’s easy to nurture your daughter’s growing, emotive vocabulary while encouraging your son to build Lego empires, but you aren’t doing either of them any favors when you ignore or discourage aspects of their development that seem counterintuitive to their gender. By doing so we help perpetuate the often-misguided boy vs. girl myths. Here are a few common ones and how to avoid them:

The Myth: Girls are more emotional than boys.

The Fix: There’s no biological reason that boys lack empathy, have trouble connecting, or express their emotions less often than girls, argues Eliot. Try to avoid telling little boys to “be strong” or “don’t cry”; rather give them the emotional freedom you would extend to a girl. Also, don’t underestimate the value of having your son help care for a pet. Feeding fish, putting down water for the dog, or even watering a plant of his own — and receiving praise for caring — can boost his sense of empathy in a big way. And when he gets into his teen years, encourage him to babysit or to help an elderly neighbor with chores.

The Myth: Boys best girls in math.

The Fix: During the early years, boys’ brains often get more exercise in areas that later help them in math — all that Lego-building, video game playing, and sports participation gives them practice in spatial relations. At birth, girls’ brains are just as fertile for building the connections related to math, but they need the practice. Involve them in sports, especially activities that involve hitting a target. Encourage them to build with blocks when they’re younger and to read maps in the car when they’re older (just not while they’re the driver!).

To hear more tips on raising children without gender bias, listen to my interview with Lise Eliot:

The teen-toddler brain connection

admin — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 21:19:11 +0000

Putting annoying adolescent behavior in perspective

One of the most useful parenting techniques I ever learned was reframing. The idea is to relabel behavior in order to gain a more constructive perspective, thereby shifting from "I think I may have to kill you" to "I understand that what you did may be out of your control."

Reframing is particularly valuable during your children’s teen years, when their developing brains may lead them to do some incredibly lame-brained things. For example, when your teenage daughter lies about her whereabouts and comes home at four a.m. or when your adolescent son gets a speeding ticket the day after his new license arrives in the mail, you may be tempted to catastrophize. Before you start setting aside monies for their bail funds, consider the fact that their brains are a lot like they were during the toddler years. They may act and talk in a more adult manner, but the parts of their adolescent brain that control impulses are under major constuction. They lack the brakes necessary to weigh outcomes and choose the perhaps wiser path. That’s why asking them, "What the hell were you thinking?" is likely to prompt a shrug or, worse, a "What?" back at you. Wait to talk about the consequences when you’ve cooled down enough to summon the executive thinking your adult brain is capable of producing. And when you do have a sit-down, hammer home the importance of their stopping to think before they act - something you understand is a lot harder than they may realize. Needless to say, cautioning them to think before they act is a message you’ll have to deliver over and over again — just as you had to tell your toddler "Don’t touch! That’s hot!" only to watch him head for the stove again.

If you want to learn more about the teen brain, check out my interview with the wonderful Dr. David Walsh, author of Why Do They Act That Way: A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen and No: Why Kids - of All Ages - Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It.