Ann Pleshette Murphy » Babies

Helping baby sleep soundly–and safely

admin — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 15:37:58 +0000

Watch Consumer Report’s guide to buying a safe crib.

Talking to your child about Haiti, an age-by-age guide

admin — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 21:10:35 +0000

We’ve all been glued to the TV sets, watching as Haiti copes with the tragic aftermath of a devastating earthquake. As a result, you might be struggling with how to talk to your children about the disaster and how to protect them from news-overload.

Babies, toddlers and preschoolers:

In terms of exposure, less is more. Even young children can pick up on the emotional content of the nightly news. Studies have shown that infants whose mothers watched afternoon soaps exhibited signs of distress when characters on TV cried or fought, so imagine how the images of the Haitian people’s distress — particularly children crying — affect your little one.
Remind friends and caregivers to zip it. If you child is in daycare, talk to the caregivers about your concerns. Also, realize that your children may need a little more attention, comfort and reassurance if they become upset over the news.
Maintain daily routines. Nothing makes young children feel safe more than maintaining normal daily patterns. If they appear more clingy or anxious or if they are having trouble sleeping, provide some addition cuddling, a night light, or read books about overcoming fears.
Help kids express their feelings. Young children with limited language may need your help naming their emotions. Don’t discourage “scary” games, which can help kids work through emotions. Drawing and pretend play can also help them express their feelings. For example, encouraging your child to comfort a Teddy bear can be very reassuring.

School-age children:

Share your feelings. Start the dialogue yourself with comments like “I find the news stories about this earthquake really upset me.” Then see how they respond.
Find out what they know. At this age, children know the difference between fantasy and reality, which, research shows, can actually make stories like the Haiti earthquake scarier, especially for boys. Asking a specific question, like “Have your friends and teachers been talking about this?” can help you figure out where they are coming from.
Show them that people aren’t powerless. Talk about how much help and assistance is being given in Haiti and how much more is on its way. Point out the good and hopeful stories of recovery as they arise.

Teens:

Watch the news with your teen. And use it as a springboard for discussion. Answer any questions they ask about what happened as open and honestly as possible.
Suggest they keep a journal or work on a piece of art. This can be a great way for teens to express their anxiety.
Allow teens to get involved in their own way. Some kids may want to run straight to the local Red Cross with a box of donations, some may want to attend public memorial services or activities. If they do, that should be encouraged. On the other hand, if your teen would rather cope privately, don’t force it.
Realize that their reaction might not be what you expect. Teens want to feel safe, but they also want to be cool, so they may hide or minimize their feelings. They might clam up or act out to avoid showing signs of weakness or distress. Boys especially may act inappropriately by telling jokes or seeming not to care.

For more information, check out Haiti, 9/11, Katrina: Helping kids cope with bad news or Zero to Three's website for resources about children and trauma.

Getting a child to sleep in her own bed

admin — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 21:32:51 +0000

Dear Annie,

When my three-year-old daughter wakes up in the middle of the night, she always crawls into bed with my husband and me. We want to break this habit, but I don’t look forward to the nightly drama that I’m sure will ensue if we make her stick out the night in her own room. Any suggestions?

Beverly

Dear Beverly,

You are not alone. According to the National Sleep Foundation, more than 10 percent of parents let their kids crawl into Mom and Dad’s bed if they wake up in the middle of the night. When my daughter Madeleine was little, I would spend hours getting her to sleep before crawling out of the room on my hands and knees to keep the floor from creaking.

Ever since I’ve been collecting tips from parents and sleep experts -and here are a few of my favorites

Try setting up a mattress for your daughter to sleep on at the foot of your bed, then move it each day a little closer to the door and eventually into her room. Alternatively, you can set up a pallet on her floor and gradually move down the hall.
Don’t reward negative behavior by running every time she cries; instead, tell her that you’ll come check on her every 10 minutes as long as she’s quiet (but be sure to keep your promise).
Do reward her positive behavior by setting up a sleep chart. For nights when she manages to stay in her bed, she earns a star on the calendar. A week’s worth of stars earns her a special treat - a small gift or date with Mom or Dad alone.
Remember, change doesn’t happen over night. In fact changing sleep patterns may take up to four weeks. So be patient, but consistent.
Think empowerment, not punishment. Although your daughter is not going to thank you for forcing her to stay in her room, you are doing her a favor by teaching her to soothe herself. When we give our children opportunities to tolerate frustration or even a little sadness, we are empowering, not punishing, them.

Lose the bottle-feeding guilt

admin — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 20:36:14 +0000

Dear Annie,

I had a really tough time breast-feeding, and after four weeks of pain and frustration, I switched to formula. I could not believe the guilt trip some of my relatives and friends put me on. Do you think I should try again?

Amy

Dear Amy,

Most of us assume that the natural flow of milk goes hand in hand with an instinctive understanding of how to get that milk into the baby’s mouth. So when something as seemingly simple as sticking your boob in your newborn’s mouth proves painfully challenging, a cascade of feelings follows: frustration, disappointment, guilt. The fact that family and friends added to your anxiety reveals more about their insensitivity than your ability to nourish your baby. Believe me, there are millions of highly successful, loving children out there who were fed nothing but formula by their parents. It’s wonderful that you tried, but you should not beat yourself up about your decision to switch to bottle-feeding. That said, should you decide to have another child, don’t assume you will not be able to nurse. Try to find a sympathetic lactation consultant, who can come to your home and show you exactly what to do. And the next time someone lectures you about the benefits of breast-feeding vs. bottle-feeding, just smile and say, "I’ve heard all this before. But what you’re saying makes me feel bad." Then change the subject to your baby’s most recent adorable achievement.

Picky eaters explained?

admin — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 18:42:43 +0000

Recent research may make your family’s food woes a littler easier to digest.

One study, from University College London, that looked at identical and fraternal twins, suggested that some children are genetically predisposed to shun new foods. This fear — known as food neophobia — may be a remnant from the days when humans had to scavenge for food and it was wise to be wary because that weird green plant could be toxic. Your toddler’s reaction to those weird green beans could actually be a response hardwired into his brain. That said, there are several related studies which suggest that parents should not decide "Johnny hates spinach" based on first impressions. Unless a child rejects something at least 8 times (not in one meal!), don’t assume he’ll never grow to like that food.