With a good percentage of the nation blanketed in snow, I thought now would be the perfect time to share my recipe for delicious hot cocoa for four. My family topped off many a snow day with this treat.

In a saucepan, combine 1/4 cup of unsweetened cocoa with ½ cup of sugar and 1 teaspoon of cinnamon. Add about ¼ cup of water and stir over low heat until smooth. Add 4 cups of milk, 1 teaspoon of almond extract and a ¼ teaspoon of salt. Taste and add more sugar if you want it sweeter.

And, of course, don’t forget to add mini marshmallows or whipped cream.

Thanksgiving’s fast approaching, and your mind is probably filled with thoughts of the best the holiday has to offer: Family and friends and, of course, turkey, dressing, potatoes and pie. But don’t forget that Turkey Day also offers a cornucopia of opportunities for your children’s good behavior to, well, turn foul (or fowl). To ensure your holiday isn’t for the birds, follow these simple rules.

Don’t dress up the kids until you arrive. Parents often make the mistake of dressing kids in their nice (and itchy and stiff) dinner clothes right before buckling them in for a long car trip. Comfort is key for the ride. Plan a pit stop to change a few minutes before you arrive or wait until you get to Grandma’s to gussy up.

Schedule Thanksgiving dinner as close to your children’s normal mealtime as possible. Work around their normal rhythm. If your family tradition is to eat at 3 or 4 p.m. (a.k.a, the kids’ naptime), they might be asleep in their candied yams before the meal concludes. Have dinner at 1 or 6 if you can. If not, feed the kids a snack around their normal lunchtime and explain that they’re expected to sit at the table and taste a few things even if they aren’t hungry.

On a related note, forget the clean plate club. Don’t ruin dinner by arguing over every bite. Make an agreement beforehand that they will try a little of everything on their plate, eat what they want and leave the rest. And that they won’t make a comment on the food, unless it’s a nice comment. Even a 4 year old can say “No, thank you” or “I prefer this please.” And if you’re nervous that your child’s limited palate might offend your host, explain ahead of time that you have an unadventurous eater on your hands.

Cancel the kids’ table. Most kids hate being relegated to a separate table. If you’re hosting and there’s spillover, set two tables with mixed generations. Then kids can learn a little about their history. Ask older family members to bring photos or stories of Thanksgivings past to share.

Manage your micromanaging. If you give your child a task, folding the napkins for example, don’t follow behind and redo the task if they fall short of your expectations. That’s a real blow to the self-esteem. Don’t assign your child a task that you will be tempted to second-guess.

Don’t mandate hugs and kisses. Explain to your children that they don’t have to kiss every cousin (or let Aunt Muriel pinch their cheeks), but they should shake hands, make eye contact, smile and talk. Sulking on the couch is not an option

Give kids a script and a plan. A shy child dreads being thrown in with 3 rarely seen cousins and told to “go play.” Try role-playing ahead of time to arm him with some icebreakers. And make sure to bring a favorite board game that he can play with family members.

Your kids are back in the classroom, and you’ve survived the first-day-of-school jitters. But children of all ages face other anxieties even when the school year is underway. A big source of stress for preschoolers is whether mom will be there to pick them up. So if a babysitter or another relative will be meeting your child after school, make sure they know. Most important, be on time. There’s nothing more anxiety provoking than being the last child waiting in the classroom for Mom, Dad, or another caregiver to arrive at the end of the day.

If you have an elementary school kid, you may hear, ” My teacher is really mean!” or “My teacher hates me!” Before you rush to counter those complaints, ask some questions: What makes a teacher nice? Can they remember a “mean” teacher who actually taught them a lot? And what could they do to get to know the teacher a little better — asking for extra help is often a great way to connect with a teacher. Kids this age may also feel insecure if they haven’t yet found a “best friend” in their new class. Remind your child that they can still see their other friends outside of school. And to help them make new friends in class, see if you can arrange a couple of outings or dates with classmates your child knows even slightly.

By middle school, the focus of anxiety may be the class bully or “it” crowd. If your child is being teased, work with the school to solve this problem as soon as possible. Bullying can derail even the most confident kid. My friend and colleague, William Pollack, Ph.D., has worked extensively on helping victims of bullying; his book, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, is also an excellent resource.

When it comes to homework complaints, the best person to turn to is your child’s teacher. Find out what’s expected and/or send a brief email explaining the difficulty your child may be having. As tempting as it may be, don’t do your kids’ work for them. The teacher will know (especially after she administers an in-class test or two) and you’ll be setting up a very bad precedent. If necessary, see if the school can provide some extra tutoring or other resources if your child seems to be struggling.

And until everyone is into the back-to-school groove, limit afterschool activities and keep the routines at home as predictable and comforting as possible. The entire family can benefit from down time — including shutting off the phones, the TV, and the computers while you play a game or just talk.

There are lots of obvious reasons to get your kids off the sofa and outside this summer: Outdoor play is good for their physical health, tires them out so they (and you) sleep better, and enables them to connect with other kids and with you. But if you’re fortunate enough to live near a park or in a neighborhood that boasts a bit of green, encouraging your children to connect with nature has another very important benefit. Lying on the grass, watching the clouds or contemplating the canopy of a tree, they learn to meditate on something greater than themselves. You can make their exploration of nature fun by trying these games:

Blindfold your child and literally turn him into a tree hugger, exploring the tree with his hands and his sense of smell. Then walk him a little distance away, remove the blindfold, and see if he can find his tree, recalling what he learned. Another game is to listen to the tree’s “heartbeat” with a stethoscope. Your child can hear the sap and water surging through the tree; she may even hear the insects that have taken up residence inside.

Equip the kids with a magnifying glass and binoculars so they can get up close and personal with the birds and bugs. But teach them to “leave only footprints, take only photos.” Giving them a camera will teach them to respect the nature around them and allow their creative juices to flow.

If they just can’t resist taking a souvenir, limit it to one that is particularly meaningful. For example, let them pick a flower to press or invest in a bug catching kit so they can collect the bugs but then let them go (which is another great way to teach them a respect for life and nature).

It’s hard to say whom separation anxiety hits harder — you or your child. I experienced my fair share of bad good-byes, especially with my daughter Maddie. On her first day of preschool, for example, she urgently whispered, “No, Mama, don’t go! Don’t leave me!” I still remember that viselike grip on my neck as I presserd her small wet cheek against mine. Those tiny arms obliterated my resolve to keep our parting short, to kiss her good-bye once and then hand her over to her competent, caring teachers. I did exactly what they had advised against: I stayed until snack time every day that week.

This was hardly my first experience with separation anxiety, but it was one of the most painful. Not that it’s ever much fun. There were many mornings when, having pried a sobbing child off my shoulder, I left them with their loving, familiar babysitter, then walked around the block in the pouring rain so I could spy in the window. All was quiet on the home front, confirming what baby-sitters, teachers and grandparents always claim: “The crying stops the minute you’re out the door.” But I still longed to know whether the pain of these separations could leave lasting scars.

Researchers and psychologists who study separation anxiety have managed to shed some light on this and their work suggests ways to ease the anguish of saying good-bye. One key factor appears to be the issue of control or, rather, a child’s lack of it. A two-or three-year-old has very little say in his parents’ comings and goings. So when we announce, “We have to go out for a little while. Grandma will stay with you,” there’s not much he or she can do except register a complaint — loudly.

It makes sense, therefore, to help a child gain more of a sense of control. With Maddie, I learned that by choreographing a very predictable exit routine in the morning, I could leave for work or run errands with minimal upset. We either picked a book or video she liked and decided together that I would leave when we finished the book or “when Big Bird coughs.” I once made the mistake of lingering beyond the cough, only to hear Maddie say impatiently, “Okay, Mama, go now.” I practically skipped out the door.

The other critical factor is learning to limit how much you say or do as the time to go approaches. I’ve witnessed enough scenes in the hallways of my children’s schools to know that a parent who lingers and tells her child repeatedly not to worry is guaranteeing a long goodbye. After the third time Mom says, “It’s going to be fun! There’s no need to worry. Mommy will be right here when you’re finishes. So don’t be sad,” even the calmest kid will begin to think, ‘Hmmm. Maybe there is something she’s not telling me.” The result: You’ll be there until snack time every day.

Dear Annie,

My son just barely turned 2-years-old, and we are starting to see the very normal behavioral patterns of a typical 2-year-old, where he is beginning to test us by not listening and throwing small tantrums, etc. He’s not by any means out of control or anything, but before he really begins to act out, I’d like prepare myself with some general advice on how to begin disciplining him now and being consistent. Up until this point, we’ve gotten away with simply explaining to him why/why not you do/don’t do something, which we will always continue to do. However, now that he can better understand and communicate, I’d like to introduce the more regimented types of discipline like, a “time-out” and/or “counting to 3…” which will let him know that what he is doing is not okay and he needs to stop and listen. I’d like to learn some good, consistent ways that we can practice helping him listen to us when he’s acting out. I’d also like to know how to introduce a time-out, when/if it’s necessary.

I believe it’s important to pick and choose your battles when they are this young, but when it’s something that truly needs to be addressed, I’d really like to learn how to be a good and healthy disciplinarian without resulting to shouting (because then, I just feel awful). Can you give me some tips on how to introduce this into our household and what type of reactions to expect from my son? I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you SO much! P.S. I’m so excited to have found your website!

Best,

Danielle

Dear Danielle,

Your question is wonderful because you clearly understand the importance of anticipating changes and challenges in your son’s behavior. It sounds as though you’re doing a good job of talking him through the occasional meltdown or misbehavior, but you’re right to recognize that that won’t always work. In fact, you may find that a discipline method that worked beautifully one day may backfire the next. That’s because his ability to manage his emotions and control his behavior is subject to things like fatigue, hunger, or just having an “off” day. Tuning into his unique personality and trying to identify his strengths will be invaluable in deciding whether he responds best to a monitored “time out” or to other methods. Some children need help collecting themselves and so holding them in your lap (not always easy) and talking calmly until the cloud passes works very well. And a mom shared an idea with me recently that I liked: She created a “peace corner” in their house — a kind of cozy, tented space, where her kids were told to go when they were getting overly excited or upset. She says they now go there voluntarily whenever they need a little quiet tim

Of course, no matter what you use, the keys are clarity, consequences, and follow through. One technique I like is adapted from an excellent book called Beyond Time Out by Beth Grosshans. She suggests: 1) make simple statements in a calm voice: “Time to clean up” 2) repeat your request: “It’s time to clean up and this is the last warning I’m going to give you before you have to go to your room for a time out” 3) Explain why he’s going to his room: “I asked you to clean up twice. Now you have to go to your room” 4) Supervise the time out (I realize this isn’t always convenient, but you are asserting your authority by standing guard and being the one who decides when he’s calm enough to come out. Many parents are taught to say, “When you’ve calmed down, you can come out,” but that effectively gives the child the power to decide…5) Say calmly, “Ok. Now you can come out and clean up your toys.” I know this may not work every time, but if you are clear about which behaviors you want to change, provide appropriate consequences, and follow through (empty threats are like Kryptonite!) and share your approach with your spouse, grandparents, caregivers — you will be doing your son a big favor!

Good luck. And thanks so much for writing.

Annie

Annie and Zero to Three’s Claire Lerner talk about the toys that will boost your child’s development.

How can you encourage your kids to crack a book? Scholastic’s recently released 2010 Kids & Family Reading Report may help. They interviewed 1,045 kids and their parents to ask some key questions about the state of reading in today’s families. Not surprisingly, 41 percent of parents believe electronics have led to a decrease in the time kids spend reading for fun. But rather than dismissing electronics as the downfall of reading, perhaps parents should use them as a tool: One-third of kids aged 9 to 17 said they would read more books for fun if those books were e-books. Another tip from the study? Allow children to pick out which books they want to read. Ninety percent of children surveyed said they were more likely to finish a book that they had chosen themselves.

Read more about the report or download the full document here. And for some suggestions about some great books for boys, read this article.

I love the Ask Annie segments that we produce for my show — hearing from parents is one of the best parts of my job. Recently, I received four questions from Moms and Dads fighting behavior battles. Watch the video below to see my answers to these questions:

• My child cries every day when I leave for work. What should I do?
• How do I get my kids to help with chores?
• What do I do when my 4 year old has a tantrum in a public place?
• How do we teach our daughter to stay seated at the dinner table?

A few weeks ago, I posted a segment about spanking that ran on Good Morning America. It reminded me of another article I contributed to earlier this summer. Yolanda Sangweni, a writer from Essence.com, reached out to me and asked if I would help a couple who disagreed about discipline. Mom spanks, Dad doesn’t. Read my advice to the Conrads below.

While Lanae and Calvin Conrad, both 34, are on the same page about most things, their parenting styles differ tremendously and discipline, in particular, remains a thorny issue. She’s a disciplinarian who spanks, while he’s a “let’s talk it out” type of father. They shared their story with Essence.com and let parenting expert Ann Pleshette Murphy weigh in:

Calvin said: “I was raised with parents who had boundaries but also allowed me to discover the world around me. They never spanked me…okay, maybe a few times, but it wasn’t their only method of disciplining. When I had a daughter, I told myself that I would raise her with the same principles. Instead of spanking her, I try to reason with her so she can recognize what she is doing wrong. In a way, I don’t want her to know what it’s like to be hit by a man. Call me crazy but I’m already thinking along those lines.”

Lanae said: “I grew up in a single-parent home with a strict mother who spanked me. With our daughter, I find I’m the same. If I say do something once or twice, the third time, my voice is going way up and she’s getting a spanking. I feel like I have to be on the defensive around my husband because I’m stricter. On a few occasions, he has stopped me from spanking her and that really bothers me. My husband knows I have the same intentions as he does. I’m not trying to scar her for life, I just want her to be clear about the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior.”

Ann Pleshette Murphy: “It’s clear that you are both loving, thoughtful parents. And as you have learned — as together and like-minded as you may have felt before your daughter arrived — becoming parents ties us to our own childhoods, especially to memories of how our parents disciplined us. But the fact is, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to discipline. Some children are better at controlling their impulses and only have to be told once what to do (or not to do). Others get so engrossed in what they’re doing, they appear ‘parent-deaf.’

“The key is to sit down together and talk about your daughter’s unique personality. It’s helpful to reflect on your daughter’s strengths, because you’ll probably discover you’re on the same page about a lot of things. Next, talk about the behaviors you want to change or improve. Try to be as specific as possible, because you can’t correct everything at once. Next, talk about some of the disciplinary tools you’ve employed in the past and whether they have been effective. There is no question that a swat on the behind may stop misbehavior in the short term, but research has demonstrated that spanking does not do much in the long term. Calvin, come up with some rules and consequences that you explain to your daughter and that you consistently reinforce.

“The most important thing to keep in mind is that you guys don’t have to parent exactly the same, but that you do need to work as a team when it comes to discipline.”

This article originally appeared on Essence.com.