Thanksgiving’s fast approaching, and your mind is probably filled with thoughts of the best the holiday has to offer: Family and friends and, of course, turkey, dressing, potatoes and pie. But don’t forget that Turkey Day also offers a cornucopia of opportunities for your children’s good behavior to, well, turn foul (or fowl). To ensure your holiday isn’t for the birds, follow these simple rules.

Don’t dress up the kids until you arrive. Parents often make the mistake of dressing kids in their nice (and itchy and stiff) dinner clothes right before buckling them in for a long car trip. Comfort is key for the ride. Plan a pit stop to change a few minutes before you arrive or wait until you get to Grandma’s to gussy up.

Schedule Thanksgiving dinner as close to your children’s normal mealtime as possible. Work around their normal rhythm. If your family tradition is to eat at 3 or 4 p.m. (a.k.a, the kids’ naptime), they might be asleep in their candied yams before the meal concludes. Have dinner at 1 or 6 if you can. If not, feed the kids a snack around their normal lunchtime and explain that they’re expected to sit at the table and taste a few things even if they aren’t hungry.

On a related note, forget the clean plate club. Don’t ruin dinner by arguing over every bite. Make an agreement beforehand that they will try a little of everything on their plate, eat what they want and leave the rest. And that they won’t make a comment on the food, unless it’s a nice comment. Even a 4 year old can say “No, thank you” or “I prefer this please.” And if you’re nervous that your child’s limited palate might offend your host, explain ahead of time that you have an unadventurous eater on your hands.

Cancel the kids’ table. Most kids hate being relegated to a separate table. If you’re hosting and there’s spillover, set two tables with mixed generations. Then kids can learn a little about their history. Ask older family members to bring photos or stories of Thanksgivings past to share.

Manage your micromanaging. If you give your child a task, folding the napkins for example, don’t follow behind and redo the task if they fall short of your expectations. That’s a real blow to the self-esteem. Don’t assign your child a task that you will be tempted to second-guess.

Don’t mandate hugs and kisses. Explain to your children that they don’t have to kiss every cousin (or let Aunt Muriel pinch their cheeks), but they should shake hands, make eye contact, smile and talk. Sulking on the couch is not an option

Give kids a script and a plan. A shy child dreads being thrown in with 3 rarely seen cousins and told to “go play.” Try role-playing ahead of time to arm him with some icebreakers. And make sure to bring a favorite board game that he can play with family members.

A few weeks ago, I posted a segment about spanking that ran on Good Morning America. It reminded me of another article I contributed to earlier this summer. Yolanda Sangweni, a writer from Essence.com, reached out to me and asked if I would help a couple who disagreed about discipline. Mom spanks, Dad doesn’t. Read my advice to the Conrads below.

While Lanae and Calvin Conrad, both 34, are on the same page about most things, their parenting styles differ tremendously and discipline, in particular, remains a thorny issue. She’s a disciplinarian who spanks, while he’s a “let’s talk it out” type of father. They shared their story with Essence.com and let parenting expert Ann Pleshette Murphy weigh in:

Calvin said: “I was raised with parents who had boundaries but also allowed me to discover the world around me. They never spanked me…okay, maybe a few times, but it wasn’t their only method of disciplining. When I had a daughter, I told myself that I would raise her with the same principles. Instead of spanking her, I try to reason with her so she can recognize what she is doing wrong. In a way, I don’t want her to know what it’s like to be hit by a man. Call me crazy but I’m already thinking along those lines.”

Lanae said: “I grew up in a single-parent home with a strict mother who spanked me. With our daughter, I find I’m the same. If I say do something once or twice, the third time, my voice is going way up and she’s getting a spanking. I feel like I have to be on the defensive around my husband because I’m stricter. On a few occasions, he has stopped me from spanking her and that really bothers me. My husband knows I have the same intentions as he does. I’m not trying to scar her for life, I just want her to be clear about the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior.”

Ann Pleshette Murphy: “It’s clear that you are both loving, thoughtful parents. And as you have learned — as together and like-minded as you may have felt before your daughter arrived — becoming parents ties us to our own childhoods, especially to memories of how our parents disciplined us. But the fact is, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to discipline. Some children are better at controlling their impulses and only have to be told once what to do (or not to do). Others get so engrossed in what they’re doing, they appear ‘parent-deaf.’

“The key is to sit down together and talk about your daughter’s unique personality. It’s helpful to reflect on your daughter’s strengths, because you’ll probably discover you’re on the same page about a lot of things. Next, talk about the behaviors you want to change or improve. Try to be as specific as possible, because you can’t correct everything at once. Next, talk about some of the disciplinary tools you’ve employed in the past and whether they have been effective. There is no question that a swat on the behind may stop misbehavior in the short term, but research has demonstrated that spanking does not do much in the long term. Calvin, come up with some rules and consequences that you explain to your daughter and that you consistently reinforce.

“The most important thing to keep in mind is that you guys don’t have to parent exactly the same, but that you do need to work as a team when it comes to discipline.”

This article originally appeared on Essence.com.

Recently, I appeared on Good Morning America to debate the topic of spanking. I do not believe spanking is an appropriate or effective discipline method; years of research has shown that spanking increases aggression and is linked to depression. But I know a lot of parents out there disagree. Watch the segment here, and then I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.

 This tip and other excellent toilet teaching advice.

When it comes to potty training, the bottom line (no pun intended) is that the process is full of triumphs and challenges. For every successful flush, you can expect an accident or two. And with so many tips, techniques, and promises (“Diaper free in less than a day!”), it can be a struggle for Mom and Dad to navigate the toilet teaching terrain. Which is why I recently interviewed Beth Grosshans, Ph.D., child psychologist and the author of Beyond Time-Out: From Chaos to Calm, to see what she believes are the most important steps on the way to reaching this child development milestone. She offered the following helpful advice:

How to use play to win bedtime battles, get kids to do chores, and more

I’ve met hundreds of mothers with kids of varying ages who suffer from the perfect mom fantasy, but it seems to cling with punishing tenacity during our children’s school years. Their lives are suddenly a lot busier, homework and after-school activities much more demanding, and when they feel the pressure, we do, too. Given the current state of the economy, many parents are working extra hours or trying to find ways to cut back on treats - like dinners out - so the dreaded "witching hour," between work/school and dinner/bedtime can be particularly rough.

Unfortunately, what often happens when we feel pressured or out of control is that we push the fun stuff aside and, instead, try to muscle through chores or meal prep or homework time - usually with grim determination. When your five-year-old whines for attention the minute you get home from work, you tell her to wait until after dinner and then you’ll play.  But after dinner, your 10-year-old needs help with his homework or it’s time for baths and then bedtime, so when your five-year-old complains again and refuses to get into her pajamas, you lose it. If this is not a familiar scenario, you can click to another part of this website.  But if it sounds like a variation on your family’s theme,  you may want to rethink your approach.

One of the simplest and most effective ways to make evenings go more smoothly is to play first, not last.  As tough as it may be to ignore the laundry or the fact that you need to make dinner and then pay bills and then… — JUST STOP! Then set aside 20 minutes before dinner to play a board game or read a book or simply snuggle on the couch with your kids.  If they’re starving, add a snack to the party, but make this downtime a regular part of your routine. Also, don’t forget that an adult’s chore (setting the table, sorting the laundry, using the Dustbuster to vacuum under the couch) is a child’s challenge - an opportunity to show off his grown-up skills, and every kid loves to be told "I bet you can’t sort that silverware before the timer goes off" or "I bet I can change into my PJs before you can!"   Play does more than grease the wheels, it provides opportunities to connect, to build skills, and - most important - to share a laugh, which is the absolute best medicine when we’re feeling burnt out.