Ann Pleshette Murphy » Health

“A stranger scolded my child!” and other Ask Annie questions

admin — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 21:31:20 +0000

Often on my show, I answer questions from viewers. I recently tackled three excellent questions:

How do I discourage people from kissing my newborn without offending them?
How do I balance my child’s safety with her need to run around and explore her environment?
How do I handle other mothers or caregivers who try to discipline my child?

For my answers, check out the video below.

How your to help baby fall asleep

admin — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:07:21 +0000

Dear Annie,

My 8-month-old baby will only fall asleep while nursing, making it almost impossible to get her to sleep in her crib. I am not against co-sleeping but I’m worried that it’s not safe, and I really want her in the crib for naps. Is crying it out my only option? Thanks!

Kelly

Dear Kelly,

Before I answer your question, I feel compelled to disclose that when my eldest, Maddie, was about your baby’s age, our bedtime routine consisted of nursing, rocking, storytelling, singing and then waiting until she was almost asleep before I placed her in her crib. If she protested, I would pat her rear end until my hand went numb, and when I saw her eyelids fluttering, I would drop to the floor and do this GI Jane-type maneuver out the door in order to avoid making the old floor of her room creak. And I was the Editor-in-Chief of Parents Magazine!

So, believe me, I know how hard it can be to find just the right sleep algorithm. The solution for me came one night when my husband Steve saw me crawling across the threshold of Maddie’s room and asked, “What the heck are you doing?”

When I explained he said,“There’s got to be a better way.” At which point I snapped, “Well, why don’t you try it?!”

The next night, he stepped in after I had nursed Maddie. She protested loudly, but he sat in the rocking chair, started to sing “Hey Jude” and soon had her in her crib, where she cried a little, but then quieted down. Of course, I had to deal with a bit of smugness from my mate, but it was well worth it.

What I realized later was that by handing Maddie off to Steve, I helped her dissociate sleep from the nursing-rocking-singing routine I had established. The same could work for you and your baby, because it’s clear that she associates sleep with breast-feeding.

If your spouse, partner or a friend/sitter can’t step in, then here’s an option. Wake your baby before putting her in her crib or monitor her sucking carefully so you can take her off the breast and put her into her crib while she’s still drowsy. If she cries – and she probably will – don’t pick her up right away. Use the now-familiar “Dr. Ferber” technique of staying nearby so you can pat her back a little, sing a lullaby or just whisper, “Shh, shh…You’re okay.” If you can, try this for a few nights or naptimes, extending the time you wait before interacting, you may experience the rush I’m sure Moses felt when he parted the Red Sea: Your baby will fall asleep on her own.

As far as your question about co-sleeping, there is a lot of debate about the family bed. But at 8 months, your baby will probably be safe in bed with you; whether you want her there or not is another question. As you probably know, getting her to move to her own crib later will prove difficult if she associates sleep with your bed.

*This question originally appeared on Babycenter’s Momformation blog.

Lose the bottle-feeding guilt

admin — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 20:36:14 +0000

Dear Annie,

I had a really tough time breast-feeding, and after four weeks of pain and frustration, I switched to formula. I could not believe the guilt trip some of my relatives and friends put me on. Do you think I should try again?

Amy

Dear Amy,

Most of us assume that the natural flow of milk goes hand in hand with an instinctive understanding of how to get that milk into the baby’s mouth. So when something as seemingly simple as sticking your boob in your newborn’s mouth proves painfully challenging, a cascade of feelings follows: frustration, disappointment, guilt. The fact that family and friends added to your anxiety reveals more about their insensitivity than your ability to nourish your baby. Believe me, there are millions of highly successful, loving children out there who were fed nothing but formula by their parents. It’s wonderful that you tried, but you should not beat yourself up about your decision to switch to bottle-feeding. That said, should you decide to have another child, don’t assume you will not be able to nurse. Try to find a sympathetic lactation consultant, who can come to your home and show you exactly what to do. And the next time someone lectures you about the benefits of breast-feeding vs. bottle-feeding, just smile and say, "I’ve heard all this before. But what you’re saying makes me feel bad." Then change the subject to your baby’s most recent adorable achievement.