Slammed doors, screaming matches, missed curfews — classic symptoms of an out-of control kid, according to family therapist Terry Real, ABC contributor and founder of Relational Life Institute. I spoke to Terry recently, who shared some very wise advice about taking control back from your child, because — as he says, “If you’re the parent, you’re supposed to be in charge, and that doesn’t matter if the kid’s four or forty.”The first step is ruling out any medical issues, anxiety disorders, learning disabilities, or addictions. If none of these problems exist and your child’s obnoxious behavior seems to be primarily a function of rebelliousness or lack of respect for you and your spouse, look first to your parenting style and honestly consider whether you and your spouse have devolved into a “good cop/bad cop” cycle, with one of you always caving in and the other setting rigid rules. Needless to say, this sends confusing messages to a kid and you effectively cancel one another out. According to Terry, this is like having “a defensive line with a big hole in the middle.”
To learn how to strengthen your defense and develop an effective offense, see the rest of my interview with Terry below.
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The parents really should make their authority known. Sometimes, parents give in to their children and that makes it complicated for the parents to discipline them.