December 30, 2009
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Help! My daughter and I need a new homework routine.
Dear Annie,
My almost 6-year-old kindergartener daughter complains that I "always want her to be the best in the class." She doesn't like it if I correct any of her homework, which I am required to review and sign. She also doesn't like it if ask her if she understands something she is singing. (I ask her that because she goes to an immersion school and learns in another language.) Is it me? Is it her? What can I do to change myself and/or how I interact with her?
~Lisa
Dear Lisa,
Thanks for this wonderful question. I hear from so many parents who struggle with wanting to help their kids but worry about pressuring them too much. You're wise to realize that the "dance" you get into with your daughter around schoolwork is making her uncomfortable.
My advice would be to back off for awhile. Change up your routine a little. When she gets home from school, if you usually tell her to do her homework, suggest you play a game together first. Then if and when she wants to do her homework, leave her alone and only "review" and sign. Don't correct her mistakes or question her work.
Similarly, I wouldn't worry about whether or not she understands the second language she's learning in school. Six year olds are amazingly adept at picking up another language, and if she is having problems, her teacher should be able to discuss that with you at your next parent-teacher conference. In fact, that's a great place to air some of the concerns you have.
Finally, if she complains that you want her to be the best, make sure she knows that you want her to love school, because she's such a great learner. Don't talk about the importance of doing well in school or being the smartest, because children her age can be very tough on themselves and perfectionistic. Similarly, if she does well in school, compliment her hard work, not the grade or award she received.
Annie
Tagged as:
homework,
kindergarteners,
stress
Dear Annie,
