Dear Annie,
When my son was young, I had this perfect vision of his future teenage self and all his friends making our house the place to "hang out." Now that he’s 12 and quite popular, he only wants to go to other people’s homes. The last time his friends were over, I felt like I was intruding or embarrassing him every time I stuck my head in his room.
Kate
Dear Kate,
A friend of mine recently admitted that she had actually suggested to her preteen and his friends that they stage a talent show. "Was that totally lame?" she asked me. I stood mute. I think she got the message. When it comes to making your house a hangout for the pre-adolescent crowd, try Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak. If the guys deign to discuss the events of their day with you, you might check your horoscope to see if the planets have been realigned. Otherwise, stock the fridge with marginally healthy snacks, sodas, and milk and stay out of their way.
Of course, if you suspect they’re up to no good, knock and enter. Better yet, make your house rules clear - and that includes cleaning up the aforementioned snacks. You’re not their maid and while you can’t expect scintillating conversation, you should demand good manners. Whatever you do, for goodness sake don’t try kissing or hugging your son or any of his pals - even the ones you’ve known since birth. This will send them all screaming from the house. Do thank them for coming and tell your son how much you enjoyed having the guys around.
Most important, accept the fact that your son is entering the stage when the mere presence of a parent is excruciatingly embarrassing. He may walk a few yards ahead of you or ask you to park a block away from a designated meeting place. No matter how steely your ego, that hurts. But like many phases of motherhood, this too shall pass. In a few years, he may even take you out to dinner and pick up the check!
