Dear Annie,
I had a really tough time breast-feeding, and after four weeks of pain and frustration, I switched to formula. I could not believe the guilt trip some of my relatives and friends put me on. Do you think I should try again?
Amy
Dear Amy,
Most of us assume that the natural flow of milk goes hand in hand with an instinctive understanding of how to get that milk into the baby’s mouth. So when something as seemingly simple as sticking your boob in your newborn’s mouth proves painfully challenging, a cascade of feelings follows: frustration, disappointment, guilt. The fact that family and friends added to your anxiety reveals more about their insensitivity than your ability to nourish your baby. Believe me, there are millions of highly successful, loving children out there who were fed nothing but formula by their parents. It’s wonderful that you tried, but you should not beat yourself up about your decision to switch to bottle-feeding. That said, should you decide to have another child, don’t assume you will not be able to nurse. Try to find a sympathetic lactation consultant, who can come to your home and show you exactly what to do. And the next time someone lectures you about the benefits of breast-feeding vs. bottle-feeding, just smile and say, "I’ve heard all this before. But what you’re saying makes me feel bad." Then change the subject to your baby’s most recent adorable achievement.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I remember sitting up in the hospital bed crying because we couldn’t get my daughter to latch on. She was only 4lbs 6oz and they must have told me 100 times that she would thrive if she would take breast milk.
She did end up breast feeding, but between the latching on problem and every women i met asking me if I was going to breast feed it made me realize that people are not always sensitive about this stuff.
It was funny to watch my husband squirm in embarrassment whenever we discussed breast feeding, he always suddenly had to do something in the other room.
My advice is do what is right for you and your baby, the relatives will soon get tired of asking.
I had the same problem when I gave birth to my daughter, I tried to feed naturally but it really just wasn’t going well, I was getting upset and depressed. My husband made me switch to formula and told me to ignore my family when they started to tell me that “breast is best”. His support got me through and it was the best thing I could have done. Don’t feel guilty!
I too tried to breast feed but after a few days of it, decided the bottle was the best choice. (It was uncomfy and hurt a bit)
This was hard for me because of all the info on how it’s better to breast feed your baby. Well I say the heck with that, not everyone is cut out to breast feed so don’t feel bad about it. No one says you can’t try breastfeeding with you next child.
My daughter is now 16 and I tell you, shes alive and well and very healthy.
I breastfed for a week or so, but I was having a lot of difficulties getting my daughter to latch on. Once i made the transition to the bottle, it made life easier for the both of us and regardless of what they say about breast milk, I have a healthy 5 year old who has never had any issues and is very smart for her age.
My son was 3 months premature. I remember that his first feedings were via a tube that went through his nose, and that had just 1cc of milk at each feeding. I remember when we hit a milestone of 10cc’s of milk!
As much as I was looking forward to breast feeding, I really didn’t have the opportunity, as he was tube fed for 2 months. I pumped. If you could have only seen my freezer! It was FULL of milk. I had such a huge supply that I eventually donated it to the milk bank.
Don’t feel guilty about doing what’s best for you and your baby! I bottle fed my 3 kids and they are plenty healthy. Ignore your insensitive family.
Well, I was crying in pain while still in the hospital with my first born (the nipples were cracked, bleedy and then infected). Stupid nurses did not help at all!
For all the Amy’s out there, I think you are right on to follow Annie’s advice. Don’t sweat it. And if it is possible, find a patient lactation specialist. I am glad I did and went on to successfully nurse my first born for many months.
I have had the privilage to nurse all five of my children, but the third child was weaned at a few weeks for various reasons. In essence, we know that women were born to nurse but we do have the technical/nutritional supliments if there ever is a need. We should concentrate more on supporting a young mother than giving her the guilt trip.
Amy is a wonderful mother, hope she learns to shake the guilt and enjoy her baby, bottle or breast — what does that really matter, in the end?
Thank you for this wonderful response, Ann. That was honestly one of the most sensitive, practical and helpful answers to the bottlefeeding guilt question that I’ve seen from a parenting expert.
Amy, I too stopped breastfeeding at 4 weeks post partum, after latching issues, nerve damage, and a milk protein allergy. I felt horrible - after all, I had been told that breast is best, and formula was junk food… I had my baby after two miscarriages and I wanted nothing but the best, healthiest food for him. But we had so many problems from the beginning… and formula was the magic bullet in our case. Once he got on hypoallergenic formula, he was a different baby, and then I just felt guilty for forcing the breastfeeding thing on him for as long as I did!
Do NOT feel guilty. If you need some additional support, I hope you’ll check out my blog - it’s a safe place for formula feeding, loving, intelligent moms to go without feeling judged…
http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com