How to use play to win bedtime battles, get kids to do chores, and more
I’ve met hundreds of mothers with kids of varying ages who suffer from the perfect mom fantasy, but it seems to cling with punishing tenacity during our children’s school years. Their lives are suddenly a lot busier, homework and after-school activities much more demanding, and when they feel the pressure, we do, too. Given the current state of the economy, many parents are working extra hours or trying to find ways to cut back on treats - like dinners out - so the dreaded "witching hour," between work/school and dinner/bedtime can be particularly rough.
Unfortunately, what often happens when we feel pressured or out of control is that we push the fun stuff aside and, instead, try to muscle through chores or meal prep or homework time - usually with grim determination. When your five-year-old whines for attention the minute you get home from work, you tell her to wait until after dinner and then you’ll play. But after dinner, your 10-year-old needs help with his homework or it’s time for baths and then bedtime, so when your five-year-old complains again and refuses to get into her pajamas, you lose it. If this is not a familiar scenario, you can click to another part of this website. But if it sounds like a variation on your family’s theme, you may want to rethink your approach.
One of the simplest and most effective ways to make evenings go more smoothly is to play first, not last. As tough as it may be to ignore the laundry or the fact that you need to make dinner and then pay bills and then… — JUST STOP! Then set aside 20 minutes before dinner to play a board game or read a book or simply snuggle on the couch with your kids. If they’re starving, add a snack to the party, but make this downtime a regular part of your routine. Also, don’t forget that an adult’s chore (setting the table, sorting the laundry, using the Dustbuster to vacuum under the couch) is a child’s challenge - an opportunity to show off his grown-up skills, and every kid loves to be told "I bet you can’t sort that silverware before the timer goes off" or "I bet I can change into my PJs before you can!" Play does more than grease the wheels, it provides opportunities to connect, to build skills, and - most important - to share a laugh, which is the absolute best medicine when we’re feeling burnt out.
